"I have seen the light and this time it wasn't for drunk driving." - Random Grand Wizard Dude

"Trump has notoriously tiny hands." - anybody at Fox

"Somebody nominate this bitch for a Pulitzer." - Paul Krugman, NY Times 

"Marry me, Ms. Black." - Bill Maher

"I'll quit being a witch-hunting dick now." - Trey Gowdy

"Who is this author and why isn't she my head writer?" - Stephen Colbert

"The Resistance has found its leader in Jaid Black." - Keith Olbermann

"My role, much like my penis, was quite small in this masterpiece." - Jason Chaffetz

"Oh that's right. Rain was a bad sign in the Bible." - Franklin Graham, reading comprehension challenged evangelist

"Let's analyze this for an hour. Jack, you whine first. Van, follow him up with some self-hate & misplaced blame." - Anderson Cooper

"We now see the error of our ways." - everybody at Breitbart

"Thank you for naming the book's leading asshole after me. No really." - Paul Ryan, while fake smiling